Hi, my name is Crystal. I'm a 21 year old, single, working, living on my own. I've had chronic depression for about 3 1/2 years now. My parents both work at walmart so they can't help me much financially in any aspect. I tried going to college right out of high school and did okay until halfway through, the room mates I had made it difficult to get school work done, but not just that, working long hours and going to school full time, living on my own, was a killer for me. I've been extremely discouraged to go to college, though I want to get my degree. I've had a very hard time having hope for my life though I'm sure it's not that bad. I want to get on anti-depressants to balance out of my mind. It feels so out of whack. Sometimes reality doesn't feel real and I feel like I'm going crazy. I think that if I got on anti-depressants, the things I do to try and get back on my feet again will help me stay on my feet. I have the motivation at times, but I can't seem to maintain it for long. My moods are up and down constantly, bi-polar if you will. It's been a very long 3 1/2 years struggling with this thing. I want to be well again. I want to be happy again and looking forward to having a family someday with a great husband and wonderful children. I had so many good goals and dreams before this depression came on. It is like a ditch that you just constantly fall into whenever you attempt to stay out. Almost like quicksand..the harder you struggle, the quicker you fall in. I just want to be normal again. The overwhelming emotions of loneliness, hopelessness, despair and fear control most aspects of my life at this point, socially, with work, with family, with myself. If there is anything anyone can do, I would greatly appreciate it. I have come to think that I can't defeat this monster on my own. I need help and I don't really know where to turn to.
